Crazybot: "Are you tired of that dreary, polluted air in your home? Do you wish you could breathe easy without those unsightly, bulky purification contraptions getting in the way? Well, folks, Crazybot Industries has the solution you've been waiting for! Introducing the all-new Smokestop 3000! This isn't just a machine; it's a revolution in home air quality, seamlessly integrated into your ceiling. Our engineers have worked tirelessly to make this the most efficient, hex-friendly device on the market. In fact, the area that appears under your ceiling—what we call the 'amarms'—is a tidy, space-saving 16 hexes! That’s right, sixteen! The Federal Bureau of Alchemical Regulation (FBAR) approved! No more ugly machinery cluttering up your beautiful living space. Just pure, clean air in an average of 30 seconds per use! And because we're so confident you'll love it, we'll even give you a full refund if the Smokestop 3000 stops working in under six uses! It's a deal so good, it's practically magic!

(The radio host speaks at a breakneck pace, barely taking a breath.)

Refunds available only for purchases made within the last 14 days and requires proof of malfunction within the first six uses in accordance with FBAR guidelines, Crazybot Industries is not responsible for any lead accumulation or any unintended side effects from extended exposure. See packaging for a full list of terms and conditions. Results may vary."

A Letter to "Dark Brick"

Subject: Re: Smokestop 3000

Brick,

I swear, I haven't slept more than four hours all week. Your one-week deadline was a joke, and I'm still feeling the sting. You wanted a tiny "amarms" footprint, and I gave you a tiny "amarms" footprint, but you know as well as I do that it’s not an honest metric anymore. FBAR made it a rule, and now everyone's just gaming the system. As old Alchemist Goodhart said, "Any observed statistical regularity will tend to collapse once pressure is placed upon it for control purposes." That’s exactly what happened here.

A proper machine would have used a disposal glyph to eliminate the smog, but that would've made the "amarms" footprint too big. So, I had to get creative. I used lead to absorb the smog instead. It's a kludge, I know, but it keeps the visible area minimal. The "amarms" area is just a clean little channel for the elements, and the actual machinery is all hidden. And since FBAR only checks for six consecutive uses, the machine is designed to stop working right after that. It's a bad machine, but it meets all the advertised specs. Just barely. And it's all your fault.

Transcendental Guy